Well, this is another email that I got from those folks over at Spark People. I must be honest and admit that this is probably one of the hardest issues for me. Oh, I am one of those that will play all nice and pretend like the issue is over and done with. But deep down, if I've been wronged, mistreated or hurt, I have a real hard time with forgiveness.
I know that on a deeper level, forgiving those that have hurt me would be the most beneficial to myself. But it always seems like the ones you really need to forgive are the ones who hurt you the most, and even worse than that is the fact that they won't even acknowledge they did anything wrong to you.
It's hard to forgive someone who hurt you so badly when they won't even acknowledge what they did. Or even worse yet, if they try to turn it around on you and make it seem like all your fault. As the email says, if you forgive someone it feels as though your letting them off the hook. Like you and your hurt don't even matter.
I know that writing a letter (even if it goes unsent) can be a very healing process. However, whenever I try to do anything like that it usually turns into an angry, I'd like to beat you to a pulp and share some of this pain with you, type of thing.
I know I hold onto my hurt, anger and resentment too much. But it is kind of hard to let go of when those who inflict the pain won't even accept their responsibility in the matter. Then there are those that aren't even around anymore. How can you move past that? I don't know. I keep hoping that one day I will be able to move beyond some of the pain. I know that until I do that, I won't really be able to enjoy my life to the fullest.
Anyway, I know that some of you are also dealing with some issues of anger and pain, and I thought this might inspire some of you too. I hope it helps someone.
|"Without forgiveness life is governed by...an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation."|
- Roberto Assagioli
Ok, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can't seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you're "winning" by not letting someone off the hook, but you're only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don't send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn't anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events.