Sunday, September 3, 2006


Well, this is another email that I got from those folks over at Spark People.  I must be honest and admit that this is probably one of the hardest issues for me.  Oh, I am one of those that will play all nice and pretend like the issue is over and done with.  But deep down, if I've been wronged, mistreated or hurt, I have a real hard time with forgiveness. 

I know that on a deeper level, forgiving those that have hurt me would be the most beneficial to myself.  But it always seems like the ones you really need to forgive are the ones who hurt you the most, and even worse than that is the fact that they won't even acknowledge they did anything wrong to you. 

It's hard to forgive someone who hurt you so badly when they won't even acknowledge what they did.  Or even worse yet, if they try to turn it around on you and make it seem like all your fault.  As the email says, if you forgive someone it feels as though your letting them off the hook.  Like you and your hurt don't even matter.  

I know that writing a letter (even if it goes unsent) can be a very healing process.  However, whenever I try to do anything like that it usually turns into an angry, I'd like to beat you to a pulp and share some of this pain with you, type of thing. 

I know I hold onto my hurt, anger and resentment too much.  But it is kind of hard to let go of when those who inflict the pain won't even accept their responsibility in the matter.  Then there are those that aren't even around anymore.  How can you move past that?  I don't know.  I keep hoping that one day I will be able to move beyond some of the pain.  I know that until I do that, I won't really be able to enjoy my life to the fullest.

Anyway, I know that some of you are also dealing with some issues of anger and pain, and I thought this might inspire some of you too.  I hope it helps someone.

"Without forgiveness life is governed endless cycle of resentment and retaliation."

- Roberto Assagioli
The positive cycle of forgiveness

Ok, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can't seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you're "winning" by not letting someone off the hook, but you're only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don't send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn't anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events.
Of course, you can always forgive someone without even talking to them.  Just because you forgive them doesn't mean they have to be a part of your life.  It doesn't mean you even have to tell them that you forgive them.  It can always be just something that you give over to God.  I don't know...some things just seem sooooo very unforgivable, ya know?  How do you forgive for a hurt that still hurts so much?! 
I'm not going there!  I'm not letting myself even think about those things.  I just want to leave it in that dark little corner where it belongs.  Some things just shouldn't see the light of day.  If they do, they tend to want to take over my entire world and pull me back into the darkness.  Just not going to go there.  But I may try asking God to take the frustration of the forgiveness issue out of my hands and to deal with it himself.  And to take the pain, anger and hurt from my heart.  We'll see how that goes.
Have a great day tomorrow! 


mikev009 said...

Like you said it is healing for you and has nothing to do with the other person.  It's like resentment.  You take the posion hoping the other person will die.  It takes time.  Years ago I made a list of everyone I needed to forgive.  I broke it done in blocks of 5 people each.  So then everyday I would say my affirmation/prayer on forgiving them.  Some it took a day others it took weeks, but after time they were all forgiven.  I might still have nothing to do with them, but at least I am at peace and that is what is important.  ~ Mike

reconcilinglife said...

I need to forgive a few..I have asked God to help me with that..cause I cannot seem to do it. bamnfla