Today my oldest daughter Samantha, 18 (or as Rylie calls her, Tam) called me and offered to watch Rylie for us for the night. The WHOLE night. I am ambivalent. I've never spent more than 2, 3 hours tops, away from my baby. Okay, maybe 5 hours once in the whole 31 months and 17 days and approx. 21 and half hours since she was born.
I put her in the carseat, kissed her good-bye. Told her to be good. Kissed her again. Told her I loved her. Kissed her again. Told her good-bye...again. Kissed her a few more times and told her I loved her. Sam laughed at me. Rylie just waved and said "bye Mom".
She has only been gone for a mere 10 minutes max and I already miss the little bundle of terror and permanent juice stains. I'm not exagerating in the least...the tears are just on the brink of flowing. Am I totally crazy? I've never been an overprotective mother, and it's not that I don't totally trust Sammi, because I do. I can't even begin to explain why I am feeling this way.
I mean it was a completely wonderful and thoughtful thing for Sammi to offer to take Rylie and give Ray and I some alone time together. Am I too close to Ry? Is it possible to be too close? Is it because the pregnancy was so difficult and I came so close to losing her so many times? Or do I just not get out enough? LOL
I am so afraid that she will get scared or think I just handed her off without a second thought. What if she wakes up during the night and cries for me and I'm not there? What if she has a scary dream? Worse yet...what if she doesn't miss me at all?! OMG, do you think that is possible? What an awful thought!
Okay, well I guess it's okay to turn off the Disney channel now. I can watch a non-child program if I want to.
Have a good night, sleep tight.
Nigh-nigh Ry pie. I miss you.