Friday, October 13, 2006

First night away...

Today my oldest daughter Samantha, 18 (or as Rylie calls her, Tam) called me and offered to watch Rylie for us for the night.  The WHOLE night.  I am ambivalent.  I've never spent more than 2, 3 hours tops, away from my baby.  Okay, maybe 5 hours once in the whole 31 months and 17 days and approx. 21 and half hours since she was born.

I put her in the carseat, kissed her good-bye.  Told her to be good.  Kissed her again.  Told her I loved her.  Kissed her again.  Told her good-bye...again.  Kissed her a few more times and told her I loved her.  Sam laughed at me.  Rylie just waved and said "bye Mom". 

She has only been gone for a mere 10 minutes max and I already miss the little bundle of terror and permanent juice stains.  I'm not exagerating in the least...the tears are just on the brink of flowing.  Am I totally crazy?  I've never been an overprotective mother, and it's not that I don't totally trust Sammi, because I do.  I can't even begin to explain why I am feeling this way.

I mean it was a completely wonderful and thoughtful thing for Sammi to offer to take Rylie and give Ray and I some alone time together.  Am I too close to Ry?  Is it possible to be too close?  Is it because the pregnancy was so difficult and I came so close to losing her so many times?  Or do I just not get out enough?  LOL

I am so afraid that she will get scared or think I just handed her off without a second thought.  What if she wakes up during the night and cries for me and I'm not there?  What if she has a scary dream?  Worse yet...what if she doesn't miss me at all?!  OMG, do you think that is possible?  What an awful thought! 

Okay, well I guess it's okay to turn off the Disney channel now.  I can watch a non-child program if I want to. 
Have a good night, sleep tight. 

Nigh-nigh Ry pie.  I miss you.


pippa1116 said...

you know what?  when McKenna was about six months old, my mil called and asked if she could pick her up and take her to see her great-grandparents. Because I was taken by surprised, i said yes.  Then hung up the phone and started having trouble breathing and I was shaking.....Then I instantly understood....I was having separation anxiety! suddenly I knew what a small child must feel like when they are being separated from someone they love.......But she did go with her grandma and it turned out well.  Even if I did feel like i would faint when I handed her to her grandma.  lol

bhbner2him said...

Well, this time is to get Mama adjusted to the idea.  And next time maybe you'll really enjoy yourself.  If she was to get really upset, I'm sure Sam would call.  Tell Ray to get busy distracting you.  ;o)  -  Barbara

amyrangei said...

Awww, I know the feeling too well.  I miss my girls when they're at school and I miss Noah when I step out to get groceries, he has a nurse that stay with him.  It's normal to feel that way, it's just God's way of letting us know or remember how much we love our children!