Friday, February 16, 2007

Responsibility and choices

This is a copy of the Healthy Reflections I got from the Spark People today.  It got me to thinking and I decided to share the message and my thoughts on it with ya'll today.  It may apply to your life, or it may not.  But I hope you find it interesting.  Frankly, I think it can probably apply to all of us in some degree.  Whether it was a poor childhood, a bad marriage or whatever. 

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. - Albert Ellis

Do you accept responsibly for your choices in life?.

Do you feel in control of your life? No matter how negative events or actions may become, you are the only force that is able to determine the reaction. Often we fail to do this, and instead blame the world for our feelings of sadness, rejection, and hopelessness. The reality is that your actions are a choice, and you must claim those feelings and choices. We can be our best cheerleader or worst enemy when it comes to determining the health of our emotions. Do some pep talks with yourself each morning. This will help you develop positive, self-affirming thoughts that will enhance your personal development and growth.
Now, we've probably all experienced some form of dysfunctional family living in our growing up.  It could be slight or extreme.  But have you ever seen, on a talk show, those people who have experienced such extreme abuse as children that you wonder how they can even get up in the morning?  And yet they seem to be dealing with it in such a wonderful way and come across as a person you'd like to be when you "grow up". 
Those are the people that I really admire.  They have taken theirpast and dealt with it and put it where it belongs.  They've accepted that as just a PART of their life, not made it their entire life.  Sure they could dwell on it and pity themselves, they'd have every right to.  Instead they used it in a positive way to make themselves stronger.  I admire that about people, taking the negative and turning it into something they can use for a positive. 
Dave Pelzer comes to mind when I think about things like this.  Have ya'll read the book "A Child Called It"?  It is a great book and he followed it up with "The Lost Boy".  He was on Oprah and I have to tell you I admire him a great deal. 
Anyway, we all have something that was hard to deal with.  It is the way we choose to live our life from this point on that counts.  Perhaps you weren't in control as a child and suffered a great deal.  Or maybe you were in an abusive relationship.  Whatever it was, I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.  I know that there are going to be times when it gets to you, and you feel weak and vulnerable.   But we have choices and are in control of our lives now.  Be thankful that your soul was strong enough to survive whatever you had to. 
You are a wonder of strength and should honor yourself for that.  I'm proud of you for surviving, even if I don't know your story.  I know it took a great deal of courage and you dealt with it the best you could.  I hope your proud of yourself too. 
Or it could be as simple as dealing with destructive people in your life today.  They may be aggressive, or tell lies, or perhaps they are verbally abusive to you.  However, you have a choice in how you deal with someone like this.  Perhaps you respond in the same manner they attack you.  I think that would be an example of letting their vile and negative attitude infest your life. 
Or maybe you will choose to just remove yourself from the situation, or keep them out of your life.  In that case, you have probably made a positive choice by removing their ugly and nasty behavior from your life.  Good for you!  Or maybe you want to try to still have them around and just try to ignore their bad behavior towards you.  I think I need to warn you to be careful in that case.  Negativity has a way of breeding and you may find it manifesting in your life in different ways.
As I said, these are just my own thoughts and opinions.  I'm sure that a licensed therapist could come here and point out all kinds of misconceptions or inaccuracies in my opinion.  Let me share one last thought with you though.  If you have experienced some form of mental or physical trauma in your life, it may do you a world of good to look into therapy or meeting with a group of others who experienced something similar.  You may find something like that very useful to your personal growth.  Well, I think I have rambled on about this long enough. 

Have a great day.

1 comment:

bhbner2him said...

As a Christian I really have no choice but to believe that we can rise above anything with His help.  We each may have limits as to how far or do so in different ways, but we don't have to be prisoners of any past.  Whether it be one of our own making or one that the actions of others forced upon us.  -  Barbara