Things are just crazy around here. The episodes are really interfering with my daily life. I had so many of them yesterday and they pretty much stop me in my tracks. They leave me a wee bit dazed too. And sometimes just as I am getting my head back together, another one will hit me. I told my sister-in-law yesterday that when it hits me when I'm driving...I feel as though I'm driving drunk.
There is no rhyme or reason to these dang things. They may last a few seconds or a few minutes. I may have them back to back, or I not have another one for an hour or more. I know when they are beginning...it all starts with the taste, or feeling, on my tongue. It's almost like when you put a 9-volt battery on your tongue. It's like a tingle, kind of metallic and it goes down my tongue in waves of this sensation.
Then the dizziness starts. The dizziness is almost like room spins. Except it's not the room spinning...it's more like the inside of my head is spinning. I try to stay still because I'm afraid that I'll fall if I'm standing.
Sometimes the episodes leave me feeling nauseous. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they leave me with this like headachy feeling...except it's not a headache really. It's more of a "full" or heavy feeling in my head. Dang!
I hate this! I hate not knowing what is going on. I hate the episodes and the way they make me feel. I hate that it is happening more and more frequently. Yesterday I finally had my sister-in-law drive me to the hospital because I just couldn't take it anymore. I thought they would be able to figure it out.
Nope. Although I did have a new theory thrown at me. Very mild seizures. However, the ER didn't have access to an EEG (?) machine and apparently that is what they would need to do to find out if I have epilepsy. Which just blew me away!
I thought that was something that you were born with. I didn't realize that it was something that could develop later on. But apparently if that is what the problem is, it can be controlled with medication. If that isn't the problem...then I guess we are back to the vertigo diagnosis. Although the medication they gave me for that doesn't do a dang thing to help me.
The following from The Daily OM. I think it is something that we can all relate to as I am sure we all know people like this.
November 13, 2007
The Power Of Disengagement
Playing Mind Games
For better or worse, many people have been raised to believe that communicating in an honest and open way will not get them what they want. They have learned, instead, to play mind games or go on power trips in the service of their ego’s agenda. People stuck in this outmoded and inefficient style of communication can be trying at best and downright destructive at worst. We may get caught up in thinking we have to play the same games in order to defend ourselves, but that will only lead us deeper into confusion and conflict. The best way to handle people like this is to be clear and honest with them
As with all relationships and situations in our lives, we must look within for both the source of our difficulties and the solution. Reacting to the situation by getting upset will only entrench us more deeply in the undesirable relationship. Only by disengaging, becoming still, and going within can we begin to see what has hooked us into the mess in the first place. We will most likely find unprocessed emotions that we can finally fully feel and release into the stillness we find in meditation. The more we are able to do this, the less we will be bothered by the other person’s dramas and the more we will be free to respond in a new way. In the light of our new awareness, the situation will untangle itself and we will slowly break free.
Whenever people come into our lives, they have come for a reason, to show us something about ourselves that we have not been able to see. When unhealthy people try to hook us into their patterns with mind games and power trips, we can remind ourselves that we have something to learn here and that a part of us is calling out for healing. This takes the focus off the troubling individual and puts it back on us, giving us the opportunity to change the situation from the inside out.
I have a real problem with falling into other peoples little mind games. I've been trying to avoid that lately because I know that if I let people pull me in...I am giving them some control over my life. I try to keep in mind that the only people I really need to worry about are me, my kids and my mom.
If other people want to play games and live in constant turmoil and conflict...let them. I don't have to let it interfere in my life or with my peace of mind. If I know where the problem lies...then it's best just to stay away from it. I certainly wouldn't poke a rattle snake with a stick...so why go somewhere that drama, turmoil and conflict are just a part of daily life?
I am trying to learn to step back. I am trying to remember that what others think, say and do is their problem, not mine. I am trying to ignore the hateful things that others say and do because I don't want to let it infect my life and family. I don't want to allow myself, or my life, to become infested by the tangles of other peoples drama and conflict.
Sometimes it is a hard lesson to learn. I'm still just a student at this thing we call "LIFE". Sometimes I pass the test with flying colors. Other times I've had to take the class over...and over...and over again and again, lol. Sometimes the major changes mid-course. Often, I must admit, I've been an unwilling student, arguing the issues, skipping classes. lol I guess I'm about mid-way through...and I hope that when I get to graduation, I've learned a little bit about everything and made lots of friends along the way.
Well, dang...I've rambled again. Sorry about that.
Have a great day & hugs to all my friends!