So I recently went to a journal and read an entry there that got me to thinking about the passage of time and my children. It literally takes my breath away when I stop and think about it. Almost as though I can feel the past 20 years (sheesh that's a long time) moving through me in a matter of seconds. My heart pounds a little harder and faster, my head seems to swirl and I think I can actually feel a little breeze across my face as I sit here in my room in front of the computer. (No, I am not on any meds, and yes, perhaps I should be, lol.)
My children are David-20, Samantha-17 (18 in July), Christopher-14 and Rylie Jo-26 months. Yes, there is a bit of a time lapse there between Chris and Rylie. Rylie Jo was my special surprise gift from God. I have truly been blessed by God 4 times with beautiful children.
David, Sam and Chris were all born with a nice little patch of dark hair and deep blue eyes. Within the first week or two all their hair fell out. As it came back in it was a fine, soft as rose petals, pale blonde. Their eyes also changed, to a greenish hazel. I always remembered that hair and it falling out and coming back blonde. But I forgot about how very soft it was and the way it felt to just sit and touch their tiny little heads.
Then Rylie was born. Those deep blue eyes again, although this time she was born with red hair (like her daddy, who by the way is a different one from the other kids dad). But the same thing happened to her. Within the first week that red hair fell out, and once again I was blessed with a little baldy, lol. I love that feel of my babies head with silky fine hair just covering it.
And the smell! I love it just after I gave her a bath and then powdered her up from head to toe. Everytime I would call Ray in and say come smell this baby, or walk over to him and put her head there so he could smell her. Now, that she is two I always tell her "Oh you smell so good. Go see daddy now." She always goes running to him and leans her head to him so he can smell her hair. It is too cute.
I love this! I love being a mom again at this time in my life. Yes, there are days when it is hard, when I am just completely exhausted the moment I wake up, and have no idea how I am going to make it through to the end of the day. But I love getting the chance to experience this all over again.
To experience the things I was too busy to notice the first time. The things that I didn't realize I would forget. The things that I loved but didn't realize that time would fade the memory of them. I was so busy dealing with 2 children fairly close in age, and then a third when they were little, and then let me tell you...3 kids makes for a lot of fighting. (It is constantly 2 against 1, and always bickering. Even numbers I tell you, LOL)
Actually I always wanted a 4th child. But then the kids dad and I split up. It was several years before I met someone. I tried for awhile to get pregnant, but I finally told myself that it was just too late. I gave it up and accepted the fact that there were no more children in my future.
I was actually a little happy when I realized that the kids were older and Ray and I could go and do what we wanted, if we wanted. It's alot like that quote I have in my profile, "if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." Oh I bet he dang near busted a gut when I got the news that I was pregnant. Ray didn't laugh though, not at all. But we wouldn't trade Rylie for anything. She is truly a joy to us.
We can look at her and see a little of Ray, a little of me, and a bit of each of the kids. She is so enegetic and full of life, love and wonder. Blessed doesn't seem to be a big enough word to describe what she has done to our lives.
Oops, I've gotten off track of where I started. I am such a blonde.
Hugs and kisses. I remember getting hugs and kisses from the older kids. But I forgot that it felt so...full. Like your heart is just busting at the seams, ya know? The way that those little arms feel when they squeeze you around the neck. The way those tiny little, peanut butter flavored, lips feel so soft when they kiss you. I feel (to steal a line from a movie) absolutely and totally complete when I get one of those big bear hugs from my baby.
But I can't believe I actually forgot that feeling. I mean I remembered that I loved getting hugs from the kids. But I forgot how deep down I felt that love. I forgot the way their hair smelled so beautiful and delicious after their bath. I forgot how soft their hair was. Forgot isn't the word, I remember it smelled good and that it was soft. But I "lost" the feeling. Does that make sense?
Hmm, I guess that is why so many women look forward to grandbabies in a few years. Me? I was blessed in another way. I get to experience it all over again with Rylie Jo. Hmm, which also means I get to go through ages 12-16 with a girl again. Aww sheesh, I busted my own bubble. LOL
Well, my little angel just came into my room. It's the beginning of another day of hugs and peanut butter kisses. I love being a mom.
Have a great day!
Rylie and her bald little head Feb. 2005
Wow, memories. Samantha, Christoper and David in 1997